Being Alone

Today being Sunday I know that there will be many of you waiting to see what the blog says well today is to be a little different. Todays Blog is being true to me and every other single mum out there that reads this. Without the help of our friends even though they may be miles away it is their well wishes and good thoughts that keep me moving forward even though it felt like everything was falling apart in the last week I got very sick I had been feeling quite run down for a while now but it seems my body as well as my emotions decided to floor me. I then got a complete viral infection in my sinus area and just to top it off I also got a good wallop of Vertigo, Now anyone who has experienced Vertigo will probably read this and shiver with the very thought. I myself felt the very same fear. It is when your body isn't moving but the whole world is and nothing you can do will make it stop. I was here on my own with my two children and the worst of thoughts began to creep in. What if I collapse? what would happen to my children? was I dying? I do not jest when I write this as these feelings are very real and the knowledge that there was nobody else there was even more frightening.
As a single mum life has its ups and downs and mostly we are too busy with life running around making sure everything gets done .Then the question comes what about us? In the greater scheme of life and all its miracles and faults what about the mother? The last week has floored me in many ways and yet it has also taught me many lessons. Now it is time to start a new, a fresh start a new beginning How??? I do not know about the How, but I do know that the Universe always has a plan why because I am one of life's Wanderer's .The simple truth is that we are "alone" .
I have had so much time lying here in my bed as I cannot get out of it yet! to ponder and contemplate life and how the people we would have said where true solid people in our lives let us down. The ones whom we truly loved just don't care. Thing is it's a real fact of life when people have taken your last morsel of energy they will walk away never thinking that you may really need them.
You see not everyone has a family that even likes each other never mind love each other. There are families out there that have absolutely no emotional attachment to there supposedly loved ones this isn't their fault as they where taught to just get on with it, by their teachers, unfortunately its wrong.
A lovely man who is now in the Spirit world always said to me "Fiona ,people that mind don't matter ,and the people that matter don't mind" well his words rang through my very soul an it saddened me. And yes I did cry and I allowed myself to be floored. I decided not to try and fight life and just let it happen. As it happened the more I was shown. And these words came to me last night and as much as I wanted to write I couldn't even face opening the laptop the light in my face even hurt. But today I needed to share this even if it helps one person and may even save a life read on my friends as I have also learned to ask for help.!!!!
Does the path you travel lead to your dreams?
Actually, Do you even know?
Not all who are wanderer's are even lost.
I have the soul of a wanderer
forever "seeking" its a path that I have apparently always chosen.
But never because I feel "lost"
But because I know in my core there is always something ahead that can be absolutely amazing good or bad, It is a good thing to know this....
For I wander now without fear, as I have made friends with it,i have overcome much with and without regrets....
For I have learned that every time has it's Season and life begins again.
There is no "REAL" path for we each choose our own. Some lead to lessons needed to be learned .
Our pathways are not always clear some are fraught with huge obstacles,wrong turns, difficulties. Some are not followed to their completion were the end of the lessons lie .And it IS possible to feel lost and very much alone.
The Great Universe is not always a gentle teacher....I say this because Everybody is given a Gift, The greater the gift the higher the calling. If your path is more difficult, it is because of your higher calling.
Know that someone loves you someone believes in you and you are precious in every way. The answers we seek lie within ourselves it can be scary an frightening at times but when you sit down with your fears and offer them some quiet time you may be quietly surprised that amidst the anxiety and loneliness sits a beautiful life waiting to be lived.
May you find love and may you find someone to hold your hand through the good times and bad.
Love and Blessings my Friends
Fiona xxxx